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About

A second blog. A new look. A fresh start. A new lease. A new voice. A new life.

Change is inevitable, but in it all, it's still... Just me =)

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“I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things too, So we're really not that different, me and you.” - Colin Raye

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A lifetime

Stamped: 23:25:00

I try to go thru life without having much regrets...
And much mistakes...
As much as I can help it.
But sometimes, even I make mistakes.
And at times, a big one.

I was involved in a fourth degree tear from a vaginal delivery.
All because I couldn't protect the perineum fast enough as she was pushing real hard.
Watching it tear in front of my eyes... It's like a sword searing through my heart.

And all I can say is that I'm sorry.

I tried, I really did... Yet it wasn't good enough.

I'm going to be audited (again), but that's not of main priority.
What's more important is that she's ok.
That she WILL be ok.

My day went by like a blur.
All I could think about was her, and the scene replaying in front of my eyes again and again and again.
And all I could do right now is to say that I'm sorry.
But will sorry ever be enough?

It's at times like this that I feel the weight of the title upon my shoulders.
That all is not as easy, or as glorious as the Dr. may sound.
To me, it is a burden to carry.
MY burden to carry.
And for the wrong that I did...
I carry it.. for life.


- jess, regretful -

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"Trust no one." »
"I remember now." »
"Pray for me." »
"Just let me finish." »
"Hold on." »
The naked truth »

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