It's one thing to be on call....

And get the weirdest call ever..

It's another to receive a phone call....

Saying that your grandma passed away.

My dearest popo,
You've fought the fight well.
And now, you're gone home.
I'll miss you much...
Yet, I know, I'll see you again.
Someday.

Yes, the moon represents my heart.
And now, the moon will always remind me of you.

I love you.

-jess-

I hate neuro.

I hate it to the core.

I don't understand it, I don't comprehend it, I have no idea what they did to the patient and I have no idea what I'm doing to the patient.

And with everyone having their own opinions, it definitely ain't helping the situation.

Bleah.

:(



I feel like a slave.

I work like a slave.

Then I realize....

I am one.....

Just with a different name.


- jess, the slave girl -

In my line of duty, I talk to many every day.


I talk to the patient who cannot respond to me.

I talk to the nurse whom I need help from.

I talk to the doctors/specialists who seem to take the job of torturing housemens very seriously.

I talk to the newspaper vendor who hates the fact that I cannot speak mandarin.

I talk to the lab ppl who finds it a chore to reply me.

I talk to the radiologist who kills me with their questions of which I have no answer to.

I talk to other housemens about work and *ahem* other housemens.



Yes, I talk to many people each day.

Talking is my job.

Yet, in the midst of it all.....

I find that....

I am still lonely, after all.





Call me?


- jess, lonely -

It's been one shitty week.

Ward work is bad enough without getting hell-raised-fire from those above me.

Getting scolded left and right each day is my bread and butter.

Yet to be called that I have the looks but not the brain....

That is just too much.

- jess, apparently 'brainless' -

PS: And the brainless is going to start playing with brains tomorrow. Ah, neuro. I'm so acursed.

There must a purpose and aim when you do something.

Where there is a beginning, there should be an end.

But often, I wonder, what's is the end?

Constantly doing things for the most absurd/obscure of reasons makes you think twice about whether what you're doing is going to make a difference.

Often, I find that it doesn't. And I just end up dry and weary.

Yet I still tell myself, 'Yes, I am making a difference.'
I made a difference because I went down to fight/debate with the radiologist for his ultrasound scan (and end up losing most of the time).
I made a difference because I checked his medication chart and ensured that he got his medication.
I made a difference by remembering to prescribe his medication.
I made a difference by robotically writing down vital signs and doing routine checks on the patient 6 times a day.
I made a difference by sitting at the bench quietly, hoping that the CT scan that I'm looking for will be found, and I can bring it back to the ward with a smile.

I made a difference talking to employers who calls the ward just to know why we did something for a patient.
I made a difference spending half an hour trying to refer patient for social welfare.
I made a difference by poking the patient multiple times daily just to know that there's enough oxygen flowing thru his body.
I made a difference by just saying 'Hello, and how are you today?'
I made a difference spending much time of my precious sleep making sure that the patient goes for his surgery as soon as possible.
I made a difference running to the lab, holding on to the bags of blood for dear life, and bringing them to the patient, who's bleeding partially to death.
I made a difference.
Yes, I made a difference.

No, I'm not doing any life saving things.
No, it isn't heroic.
At many times, it's really a pain in the ass.

Yet, there's a different kind of satisfaction to see your patient sitting up, smiling and eating well.

Perhaps there is really truth when they say that it's the small things that makes one happy.

Yes, I'm trying, trying my utmost best to ensure that the patient gets the best care under the worst of circumstances.

There will always be someone who has to be at the base of the pyramid.

But without the base, there will be no pyramid to begin with.

I try to tell myself each day that all I'm doing is beneficial for the patient.
Yet... sometimes it really is not.

To seek a balance, between black and white and grey..
It's not that easy.

But as long as I'm trying, it will make a difference.
Yes, it WILL make a difference.

-jess-

I admit, I have a soft spot for gadgets.

*blush*

And when the right feel hits, there's no stopping me.

So voila, presenting my two new babies :)

First up, the ever gorgeous Dell xps m1330.






I always wanted a new comp, and after debating about it for over 6 months, I finally decided on one.
Burned a super big hole in my pocket, but it's truly worth it.
Super light, super thin, vista-fied and FLAMING RED. What else can I ask for?
:)

Next, the hip and chic Sony T20.



8.1 megapixels with nice macro functions. Plus it looks drop dead gorgeous in white.
If it was food, I would've eaten it already :P
Yum yum yum yum yum!


Officially broke, but they look too good to be resisted.
What can I say? I have a weak heart, and a filled pocket :P hahahaha

Perfect examples, the epitome of sexiness.
If only everything in the world is as seductive as these.
:P
*wink*


-jess, sexi-fied-

It was the coldest call I ever had.

Trust me when I say that it's colder than the Artic.

And the easiest 100 bucks I ever earned.

Anything's easy and all's good when you make money by just sleeping.

:)

Now if only I get an appendix to assist, my life will be complete.

*fingers crossed*

-jess, who slept 9 hours during call (Really.)-