This few weeks had been some of the most trying times of my life.

I'm so pulled and torn of everything that is happening around me that I'm beginning to think that things can only get worse.

I'm just tired and fed up at everything and everyone.



YOu are now physically sick and all I want is to be there to care for you.

And I'm literally about a few hundred miles away, and that frustrates me.

Why must things be so damn difficult!?!?!?

I just want to go home.

I just want to go and be with you.

Is that too much to ask?




Phone calls are no substitute.

Pets are no substitute.

Close friends are no substitute.

Making myself busy is no substitute.

NOTHING substitutes you.



I try very hard to make myself believe that love transcends all distance.

But I fail, time and time again, to make this hurt of being away from you, go away.



You do not know what it means when I have to eat alone.

You do not know what it means when I cry in bed at night.

You do not know what it means when I know you're sick and I can't do anything.

You do not know what it means to hurt so bad that you'll do anything to just stop from hurting.



Enough is enough.

Work already hurts bad.

But not being with you and having you around...

Hurts above all hurts.




I just wanna go home.

Please.....

I just....

Wanna go home.





- jess, crying -

One of my patients was near collapse the other day in labour room.

Upon attending, noted it was acute pulmonary oedema, in which the lungs were filled with water due to overload.

The poor poor patient was gasping away trying to catch her breath.

Several MOs (O&G with anaes) and HOs were attending to the patient at once, and we eventually intubated the patient and connected to the ventilator, and was preparing the patient to be transferred to intensive care.

So off we went, a train of equipment, ventilator, oxygen tank, patient and all, when the housemen leading the train, after a few steps, stopped on his tracks, and asked,


"Where are we going?"



Despite the pressure and intensity of the situation...

We broke out laughing.




My housemens gives me the best jokes I've ever had.

I might just start writing the chronicles and end up making a mint.
Haha.


- jess, awaiting the next joke -