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About

A second blog. A new look. A fresh start. A new lease. A new voice. A new life.

Change is inevitable, but in it all, it's still... Just me =)

Disclaimers

The opinions expressed here is entirely based on my personal tastebuds and may vary for others. So read as you like.. I gladly accept all rebukes and appraisals!!

All poems and photos displayed here are properties of Incessant Crepitations.
All rights reserved.
No part of this blog may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever.
DO NOT pirate without permission or suffer the consequences!!!
(Hint: Ask and it shall be given :P)

Btw, leave comments... I love comments!! :P

The Written

Kengkawans

Daily haunts

The thoughts

“I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things too, So we're really not that different, me and you.” - Colin Raye

Archives

A lifetime Saturday 31 May 2008 |

I try to go thru life without having much regrets...
And much mistakes...
As much as I can help it.
But sometimes, even I make mistakes.
And at times, a big one.

I was involved in a fourth degree tear from a vaginal delivery.
All because I couldn't protect the perineum fast enough as she was pushing real hard.
Watching it tear in front of my eyes... It's like a sword searing through my heart.

And all I can say is that I'm sorry.

I tried, I really did... Yet it wasn't good enough.

I'm going to be audited (again), but that's not of main priority.
What's more important is that she's ok.
That she WILL be ok.

My day went by like a blur.
All I could think about was her, and the scene replaying in front of my eyes again and again and again.
And all I could do right now is to say that I'm sorry.
But will sorry ever be enough?

It's at times like this that I feel the weight of the title upon my shoulders.
That all is not as easy, or as glorious as the Dr. may sound.
To me, it is a burden to carry.
MY burden to carry.
And for the wrong that I did...
I carry it.. for life.


- jess, regretful -

Part of my soul Sunday 25 May 2008 |

Part of my soul

To hold you close
Knowing that you will not take a breath
To let you go before it has even begun
Into the arms of the angel of death

To see you as perfect
All fingers and toes of ten
To dream that miracles can happen
For your heart to beat again

To wish that fate wouldn't be so cruel
Taking you away so fast, too soon
This heart aches as teardrops fall
The wolf howling at the moon

Your home is in the heavens now
Where His plans are bigger than mine for you
You may not be here by my side
But my love for you is true

So know this, my dear
That I love you so
You'll always be my angel
Forever part of my soul.


Jess copyrighted
All rights reserved



Dedicated to those who didn't get a chance to see the world, and to the mothers who grieve in silence.


I see your pain...
Because I felt it too.



- jess, saddened -

PS: It's not a nice feeling delivering stillbirths. It really is not.

Leftie Wednesday 7 May 2008 |

Pardon me, but I just HAVE to get this out of my system:

"WHO ON EARTH ARE YOU TO TELL ME THAT I CANNOT DO SURGERY BECAUSE I'M LEFT HANDED?!!?!?!?!?"



Hrummph.

So there.

- jess, left-handed-and-proud-of-it -

Sorry Monday 5 May 2008 |

If you do not like me because I'm XX, and not XY....
I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do about it.

If you find me mean at others just by your first impression...
I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do about your bad judgement.

If you find me stupid, and not know the answer...
I'm sorry, but not everyone is perfect.

If you find me irresponsible, and am avoiding the work...
I'm sorry, but it's just because you haven't been around to see me slog.

If you think I'm too serious for my own good, or too aloof for your pleasure...
I'm sorry, but you'll just have to get to know me, and find that I'm not that bad, after all.



- jess, failed-to-please-all -