The first time I failed...

I didn't feel anything, because I was more overwhelmed by the fact that you left.

Now, second time around, reality sets in...

And this shearing, tearing pain... And this taste of defeat, is killing me.

I know there is no reason to cry, yet these tears, just cannot stop flowing.



It is, in the end...

ALL MY FAULT.



As disappointed as I am with myself...

I'm so sorry, for disappointing all who were supporting me all the way.

I'm really, truly, sorry.

And yet, you still stand beside me all this while.

For that, I cannot express, how grateful I am.



But this is how it goes.

That demon's voice... That one sentence....

Will ring in me...

And it will continue to haunt me....

Until, and unless...

I pass.



I NEED TO PASS.





And it not just because I need to move on in life...

But because I need to move on, from you, and silence you forever.

More importantly, I need to prove that I AM WORTHY.



AND I WILL PASS.  NO MATTER HOW MANY TRIES IT TAKES.

So just SHUT UP.



- jess, not giving up -