I had a bad call.
My patient died on table while doing ERPOC.
It was a simple procedure, yet things just happen.
I still don't know why she passed away.
All I know was that we spent an hour doing CPR trying to get her back.
And yet, I know, it's not really my fault, or anyone else's.


The only regret I have in this whole unfortunate incident was...

That I told her that after the procedure, she'll be able to go home the next day.



She never made it home.



It saddens me, and terrifies me...
That one wrong decision...
Ends a life.



What others fail to see is that it becomes a real struggle, for us in the medical profession to bear on our shoulders.
That it's not easy.
That you may have tried all that you could, and yet you still fail.


And we carry this pain with us...
Coz when one loses a life....
It, reluctantly, becomes a part, of our own lives.

This, is my job.

And as much as it hurts at times...
More importantly, it keeps me...
Human.

- jess, one down -