Passion: Flood
There are days where calls really drive you to the brim of insanity, and all you want is just to have some time of peace and quiet without your heart stopping every time the phone rings.
This is the life I live.
I'm on call perpetually every other day, regardless of whether I'm passive or active call. Hence I spend almost half the nights in a month in the hospital.
In shorter terms, I DON'T have a life at all.
It's difficult, sometimes, to be literally worked up, and even when all is done, you find yourself too stressed out to wind down for bed.
I came back from the hospital last night, at about 2am in the morning.
I was hastily woken up from my sleep, which I just managed to do about half an hour before the phone rang.
I was needed at the hospital.
A baby needs to come out NOW.
This is the life I live.
I'm on call perpetually every other day, regardless of whether I'm passive or active call. Hence I spend almost half the nights in a month in the hospital.
In shorter terms, I DON'T have a life at all.
It's difficult, sometimes, to be literally worked up, and even when all is done, you find yourself too stressed out to wind down for bed.
I came back from the hospital last night, at about 2am in the morning.
I was hastily woken up from my sleep, which I just managed to do about half an hour before the phone rang.
I was needed at the hospital.
A baby needs to come out NOW.
And it need a caesar.
So I'm there, in 5 minutes, all scrubbed in, and the baby was out a minute later, all crying, and very helpless.
45 minutes later, I arrived home half drenched, from the pouring rain that heaven decided to call upon.
And I smelled of blood and liquor.
Then it hit me that, this is the life I would be having for the rest of my life.
When does it change from being a passion to a chore?
When you hope that calamity in the form of emergencies doesn't fall on the days when you're on call?
When you pray for heavy rain so that there will be less patients in the middle of the night?
Or when you begin to irk the phone calls from A&E, telling you that they want you to see another patient?
So I'm there, in 5 minutes, all scrubbed in, and the baby was out a minute later, all crying, and very helpless.
45 minutes later, I arrived home half drenched, from the pouring rain that heaven decided to call upon.
And I smelled of blood and liquor.
Then it hit me that, this is the life I would be having for the rest of my life.
When does it change from being a passion to a chore?
When you hope that calamity in the form of emergencies doesn't fall on the days when you're on call?
When you pray for heavy rain so that there will be less patients in the middle of the night?
Or when you begin to irk the phone calls from A&E, telling you that they want you to see another patient?
Or will the drive and adrenaline rush from doing caesars one day go away?
And that one day you'll end up feeling just mechanical?
It is not an easy decision, or an easy task, doing what I do.
It's not to glorify the job of a doctor, neither is it to insult one.
It's not to glorify the job of a doctor, neither is it to insult one.
But it is the truth, and one that all should know, especially those who wish that they are one, that it is never an easy path to choose.
I sacrificed a lot to be where I am.
And I have to sacrifice even more to be where I want to end up eventually.
It hurts, it sucks, and at times... you just feel like cursing the entire world, and yourself for choosing this path.
And yet, when you chose to give up, or when the passion seem to fade away, something extraordinary happens, or just something so simple that it's beautiful... The passion? It comes flooding back again.
I had a bad call last night.
I sacrificed a lot to be where I am.
And I have to sacrifice even more to be where I want to end up eventually.
It hurts, it sucks, and at times... you just feel like cursing the entire world, and yourself for choosing this path.
And yet, when you chose to give up, or when the passion seem to fade away, something extraordinary happens, or just something so simple that it's beautiful... The passion? It comes flooding back again.
I had a bad call last night.
But I had moments in my calls where it was priceless too.
Seeing the face of the mother when we told her that she had to push again, because there was ANOTHER one inside waiting to see the world, when she was already holding one in her arms.
To see the baby who was just born a mere minute ago play with the suction tubing, and kicking the blanket until his feet stuck out.
And to see women, diagnosed with cancer, coming in and out of the ward for chemotherapy, and their strength and will to live.
I remind myself of this.
That passion...
Will come back like a flood...
Over and over again.
Seeing the face of the mother when we told her that she had to push again, because there was ANOTHER one inside waiting to see the world, when she was already holding one in her arms.
To see the baby who was just born a mere minute ago play with the suction tubing, and kicking the blanket until his feet stuck out.
And to see women, diagnosed with cancer, coming in and out of the ward for chemotherapy, and their strength and will to live.
I remind myself of this.
That passion...
Will come back like a flood...
Over and over again.
Now, all I wish for is that baby that I caesared at 1am better be grateful someday that I did.
(Damn, I had to brave thru thunderstorms for him man, he better do... or else...)
(Damn, I had to brave thru thunderstorms for him man, he better do... or else...)
-jess-
Friday, January 09, 2009 1:32:00 am
hi jess. u probably dun remember me..i was in kuching as an elective student in paeds for a while..and i came across ur blog and ur picture that made me recognise u..LOL
but what i really wanna ask is how Kuching, Sibu and Miri hospitals for Housemenship?? I am about to start soon and i put my choices in tat order...super scared to get Miri cos it juz got HOs..so means lotsa work..Please advice :)
OH..BTW, enjoy ur posts..kekeke
Do u know of any IMU grads in kuching, sibu or miri hospitals?? top
Sunday, January 11, 2009 12:02:00 am
Hi, whoever you may be.
Elective student in paeds? Hmm. Did I talk to you then? Sorry, I have bad memory, coz I have met a few med students while at work, and I have trouble remembering all of them. Haha.
Can't say much about Sibu, didn't work there before. But Kuching and Miri both good places for housemanship. Yes, there is more work compared to West Msia, but upon reflection, I'm glad I came over, because the work experience here is really good training.
Kuching no need to say, good place to train, but Miri;s just starting to have housemens, and we would really appreciate if you would be willing to come join us. It's new at training HOs, I know, but honestly? The MOs here are way nicer than Kuching (really, all the MOs here are very nice, and i'm not just speaking for myself), and there's less work for HOs compared to Kuching. Nurses here are actually nicer too. Not that I'm trying to bribe you into coming here, but it is the real facts.
Yes, it'll be more work here in the beginning, but you'll learn faster, and grown up as a doctor faster too.
I've been thru it, I would know.
Don't really know any IMU grads in Kch or Sibu, not sure if there's any in Miri. Don't think so.
if you do happen to be posted in Miri, introduce yourself to me, and I promise I'll do my best to teach you what I know when you come to O&G :)
Take care, and all the best. top
Sunday, January 11, 2009 2:02:00 pm
thanks for the reply and sorry for not introducing myself at first. my name is Baxter or bax for short. Erm, i will be sure to formally intro myself if i am posted to miri. Again, best wishes and happy chinese new year. :) top
Sunday, February 15, 2009 6:34:00 pm
Hie there Jess. My name's Dan, I just came across your blog and I would be extremely grateful if you could help me. I'm actually a medical student here in Unimas Kuching, nearing my completion of my course in a few months time, if all goes well that is I hope...
Truth to be told, I love Sarawak and I wish i could do my housemanship here, or even Sibu or Miri for that matter. But I've been hearing stories and rumours that once you're stuck in Sarawak, you can't go back home to Peninsular and that they'll hold you here to their bidding. I've been hearing stories that there doctors who've been appealing years to go back but have been rejected and are stuck here for many years. My plan is to do my housemanship in Sarawak for 2 years before proceeding as a medical officer back home in Semenanjung. Is it true that we won't have a say where we are to work after housemanship? Is there a probabilty that we'll be working for more that just two years after completing our housemanship? Just wanted to ask your opinion cause I definitely would love to do my housemanship here in Sarawak, but if its going to cost me more years here as a medical officer, it does give me second thoughts.
Do doctors have a say after their completion of housemanship in where they wanna work? What are the chances for a doctor after 2 years of housemanship in Sarawak, to return and work as an MO in Peninsular Malaysia? I've been here for almost 5 years, wouldn't mind 7 years but definitely not a decade! =) I am really really sorry for being long-winded here...but I would really be grateful if you can shed some light to this lost and confused soul =)
Thanks for your time Jess and luv reading your blog! =) top
Monday, December 10, 2012 2:23:00 am
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To your success James top
Sunday, September 06, 2015 1:27:00 am
hi, i am thinking of doing ho in miri. could u tell me how convenient for accomodation?living cost there? thank you!!
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