Yes, it had been too long.

And I'm sorry.

Sorry that I had to refrain from writing for a period of time, because I fear that all I will write about is hate, and I hate the monster it turns me into.

Yes, like waves that swepts across the sand, unfortunately this wave doesn't bring peace, only destruction.

And I, in the process, becomes damaged.

Against my will, may I add.

But in this flurry of a hurricane, in the midst of chaos and fear, I began to realize what is most important...

Finding myself again.



There was this girl in my intensive care unit, who was there for a purpose that I'm not sure of, only that I was taught to take her blood every day, sometimes multiple times.

And each time I had to take her blood, it's a real struggle, because she would be crying, and begging me not to do it, and I would be hurting, because I had strict instructions to do so, and I could not back out of.

Each time she cries, my heart cries too, because I understand what it means to fear needles, and with her condition, she faces it every day.

And she's only eight.

In the end, I had to resort to bribing her. With ice-cream.

And a promise that I would bring her comic books, as she was notably bored in the ward.

And I kept my promise.


I looked all over town that day for what she wanted, but unfortunately I couldn't find them. I got some other comics instead, hoping to make do.


The biggest surprise was that a few days later, she called me into her room, sat me down, and she READ to me one of the stories from the comic book. And it was in CHINESE.

Although we didn't speak the same language, we understood each other enough to spend time with each other.

I had a lot to do that day, but I didn't have the heart to stop her in the midst of her story telling.
And the look in the eyes, the happiness that a few pages can bring, the excitement of a child.... Things that I have forgotten, she reminded me of.

She left for home the other day. And it took all of me to refrain myself from hugging her before she left.

I never thought a a young child could teach me so much.

She showed me that I could still be myself when everyone around me is trying so hard to change me.

She taught me that simple things can still make me smile.

She taught me about fear, and bravery, and about hope.

And that there is always a silver lining behind the clouds.

She was my silver lining.


My heart was shattered by the mean environment that I had to fight to exist within, and it had ached more times than I could remember.

I tell of this story not to brag about my niceties, neither am I expecting praises for what I did.
I'm just being me, and I am happy with just being me.

This IS me, as much as many will not like it.

I'm sorry, but there are parts of me that you can NEVER change.

To this special girl who reminded me of who I am....


You may not realize what you did, but I'm truly grateful that our paths crossed.
Thanks for everything.



-jess, proud to be just herself-