This few weeks had been some of the most trying times of my life.

I'm so pulled and torn of everything that is happening around me that I'm beginning to think that things can only get worse.

I'm just tired and fed up at everything and everyone.



YOu are now physically sick and all I want is to be there to care for you.

And I'm literally about a few hundred miles away, and that frustrates me.

Why must things be so damn difficult!?!?!?

I just want to go home.

I just want to go and be with you.

Is that too much to ask?




Phone calls are no substitute.

Pets are no substitute.

Close friends are no substitute.

Making myself busy is no substitute.

NOTHING substitutes you.



I try very hard to make myself believe that love transcends all distance.

But I fail, time and time again, to make this hurt of being away from you, go away.



You do not know what it means when I have to eat alone.

You do not know what it means when I cry in bed at night.

You do not know what it means when I know you're sick and I can't do anything.

You do not know what it means to hurt so bad that you'll do anything to just stop from hurting.



Enough is enough.

Work already hurts bad.

But not being with you and having you around...

Hurts above all hurts.




I just wanna go home.

Please.....

I just....

Wanna go home.





- jess, crying -