When you're forced into the boxing ring...
There's nothing else to do...
But to put on your gloves...
And fight.

But before you began, you already know that you've lost.

And end up getting slaughtered all over.

Hence adding another dead innocent to the toll.

And the match, continues on.

Surgery:Me : 1:0

*sigh*

To be the punching bag..
It can be hard on the soul.

Ahh... The harshness of reality.

Let's just say that it was a bad day.

:(


On a happier note, I got my first paycheck today.
So is it worth all the slaughtering and punching?

Ermm... If I'm going to get killed anyway, I might as well get killed rich :P


Paycheck: The first of many.


-jess, finally attaining financial freedom-

Eventhough there's SIX of us in the house...

We rarely see each other, just because one of us will always be on-call on any given day.

I've been here for 3 weeks now, and we only had one rare momentous moment where all SIX of us were able to go out and have dinner together.

Just once.

And its the first times that we will always treasure.


It's fun/crazy/cuckoo to stay with another 5 ppl in the house.

There's two bathrooms in the house, and only 1 with hot water. So you can imagine the morning toilet fights that we have each day.

Yet, it's only family who fights.

It is only family who will come to pick you up in the middle of the night from the hospital because it's too dark to walk home.

It is only family who would sit around on a saturday afternoon in the living room just chatting and laughing the day away.

It is only family who would wait (ie starve) for the other to wake up so that we can all go out for dinner together.

It is only family who would hang up each other's clothes (or at least take them out from the washing machine and chuck them into a pail coz they wanna wash their clothes too).

It is only family who would go out shopping for fruits together at a local night market.
(and subsequently fight over the bananas)

And it's only family who will wait for you to come home to eat, and to buy you food when you're sick.



Yes, this is family.

An unlikely combination, but there are no regrets.

Yes, they ARE family.

They are MY family.





-jess, plus 5-

I'm officially one hot chick.

(Not that I wasn't one before, but now it's official :P Haha)

No no, not hot in that manner, but of a different kind altogether.

Apparently every time I'm on-call, the wards will be bursting full with patients. And the amount of new cases seem to surmount everyone elses'.

That just basically means horrible amount of work for me, and for those who are working with me that night.

So the nurses decided to label me as the 'hot chick'.

Not a very good label, in that sense, coz it means that I won't be getting much sleep everytime I'm on-call :(

Slept at 330am, coz there were SIX new cases last night, and just working thru them and taking their blood and stuff is truly killing.

It's no longer fun anymore when you see your colleague sleeping soundly away in the room and you're slaving away clerking patients in the darkness of the night.

I only slept ONE hour last night.

Everyone seems to be in the mood for epigastric pain last night. And two turned out to be quite serious. Good thing it only became so in the morning, otherwise... panic leh!

My calls are always interesting.

Though, at times, I wish I was cold.

:(



On a happier note, I received a surprise thru the mail today.



A parcel from Amazon.com?

But I never ordered any books wor.


And inside was this!



*super huge grin*

:)



Thanks my dear, for I know you need not order this for me, and yet you choose to do so.
Thank you isn't enough anymore.
It's not the gift, but it's the thought, that you remember and care about me, that counts.
Sounds cliche, I know, but know that it's what my heart says, and it is real.
I am touched.
You're truly my angel.
Hugs.


So it wasn't such a bad day, after all.

:)

-jess, a.k.a. hot chick-

I met a girl today.

She had never walked, and goes around in a wheelchair.

Her spine is severely deformed, and she could never stand up straight.

She had sores all over the place, and yet she could still smile when I look at her.

She can't feel anything below her waist, and she had to pass motion thru a bag.

And now, it's bleeding. And we don't know why.

She's only 29.

And yes, sometimes even I ask God why too.

- jess, seeing reality -

The thing about medicine is.....

You'll never know what might walk through your door.


-jess-

When you're ill and sick to the core....


And yet, you still have to work....


It brings you down to tears.



-jess, A.G.E-ed-


PS: Many thanks to my colleagues who helped cover up for me while I rested in the on-call room. I really appreciate it. You're truly a lifesaver. Thanks.

I did my first on-call today.

And much I've learned.

More importantly, I learned that I don't know much at all.

Surprising how little you know even after 5 years.

And then, you start all over again.


I did my first CPR today.

And did it twice.

Both died, btw.

How does it feel?

To be honest, I feel nothing.

Absolutely nothing.


Cruel, I know.
Yet to me, that is reality.

Yes, THIS is reality.

To be forever sleepy all the time.
To be afraid of what might cross your path.
To be scared when there's no blood for you in the bank.
To be wary when someone tells you that it's already been done.
To be woken up countless times in the middle of the night for the teeniest of problems.
To not know how the other person on the other side of the phone might react when you call.

THIS is REALITY.


And the reality for today is...

I slept only 2 hours last night...

And THAT is already LUXURY.


-jess, post-call-


PS: I avoided major trouble today. The one to blame could have been me. He reminded me again today that He is truly watching over me.

Dear all...

Yes, I'm alive, and in Meowland :P

Not that it's a bad place. Haha

Started my work, and it's barely like what I imagined.

Tagging from 6am-11pm each day for 9 days takes a lot out of a person, and gave me a different perspective of what lies ahead.

And yes, it's a long... long... road.

*sigh*

Just fyi, I'm doing surgical posting now, and must say that being in the theatre is something that I enjoy. Yet, there are times where you feel like the word doctor becomes redefined.

It will start to feel more like secretary.
OR
Office boy.
OR
Punching bag.

Yet, life goes on.

I'm just glad tagging's over, and I have yet to start my first on-call.

For now, I'm just enjoying ACTUALLY seeing the sun when I leave the hospital.
(Coz the rule of thumb is that I work from 6am-6pm unless I'm on-call)

Yes, even seeing the sun becomes a privilege.


It takes too much out of me to explain what tagging is, or what my work is all about. It takes a lot to understand, and even more to actually do it.
So I'm sorry, if you want to know, you can call me and ask :P Haha. Besides, I like the company :P

And oh, on-call means I work from Day 1 6am till Day 2 6 pm.
Not joking.
Coz ppl DO get sick in the middle of the night too.
(And they have such the tendency to do so. Hmm..I wonder why.)

So yeah, am still alive, not sick or anything.
Nice of you to worry about me though.
*aww*
:P

And yes, Meowland got good food :P
Come cari me! :P hahahahah

I have no idea when I'll get my own internet connection here, so it'll be random posts now and then la, when I can.
I'm still around, so don't forget about me k? :P

Luv ya!

- jess, dr a.k.a. penjaga rumah -



PS: Handphone number remains the same :)